Dear Sisters,
I have been married 16 years to Art. I prayed since I was sixteen for God's man for me, and God was faithful to me, even when I was not to Him. I am 36 with four beautiful children: Quincy (14), Brady(11), Abbie(7), and Gabe(4). I often look at them now and whisper to God, "You make the most beautiful children."
I was His Child, but I was spending more time reading rough romance novels, and watching soap operas and movies that I should not have. These were the words I was meditating on all day. I was spending no time in His Word except for opening my Bible in church on Sunday morning.
I was a fearful woman who put her children first in her life. Most of my fears concerned them. In my fear I was critical and frustrated which caused me to yell at them a lot. My husband didn't know what to make of me and just tried to cope. We often had heated discussions. I felt as though everyone was sucking off me, and they were sucking me dry...
I got pregnant two months later with Gabe. Oh, I was so excited. He was born five weeks early, but there was serious trouble two weeks later. Before I knew it he had developed pneumonia and was in an oxygen tent in the hospital fighting to breathe and stay alive. The nurse who was assigned to us told us he couldn't keep up the striving to breathe as he was only 4 pounds and that his heart would give out. She was sorry but she was so swamped with patients and would we call out to her when the heart monitor went off to signal his heart had stopped so that she could rush in to tend to him. (I am trembling as I write this and trying not to cry.)
Well, I cried out to God as never before in that hospital room. He had taken a baby from me already and was now ready to take one I had seen and held. I had been a Christian since I was ten, but I did not feel His peace at all. I didn't feel it because I did not know my Father. I didn't trust Him in this situation whatsoever. So I started to bargain with Him. I promised Him I would get up early every morning and get to know Him if He would heal my Gabe. The heart monitor went off signaling Gabe's heart had stopped, and I rose to yell for the nurse at my husband's cry. I pleaded with God as I began to yell for the nurse. Gabe's heart started to beat again.
One week later the head doctor of the critical care ward came in and told me that they had no reason why this baby was well. But they were sending him home. I was so far from God that I did not give Him the praise and the glory He deserved to that team of doctors. I stood there silent, but thankful to have Gabe back.
Once I got home, I knew I had to do what I had promised. So I started to get up at 4:00 a.m., as this was the only time of my day that I could be alone, and I opened the Bible to the beginning: Genesis. I asked Him to show me Who He was, and not as I perceived Him to be, as I did not know Him as I should. And I asked Him to help me love Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. It was very hard for me to get up at 4:00 a.m. with a nursing baby, three other children, and home schooling. And I had always started to read the Bible before, but found it to be too time consuming and difficult to continue. But I feared God! So morning after morning I got up to be alone with Him. Soon I was growing and finding out who God was! And how much He loved me! I couldn't wait to get up and get into His Word, and many times would get up at 3:30 a.m. to linger longer with Him.
That was five years ago this November, and my whole life has been turned upside down with the joy and love and adoration that our great Heavenly Father brings to me, one of His Chosen Homemakers. I have more energy than I did before when I was sleeping longer. He multiplies my time. (I liken this to tithing as it seems you can never afford to tithe, and then after you start tithing, you can never afford to stop. Likewise
when you "tithe you time" to Him giving Him the first of your day daily.)
And this summer I have had the privilege of almost seeing completed the book that I promised to Him almost five years ago. The Proverbs 31 Bible study is the beginning of that book as I have a passion to help homemakers as God has so wonderfully seen to help me. It was good that I was afflicted. I no longer read rough romance novels, watch soap operas, or movies that I shouldn't see. He slowly pulled each one of those out of my hands. I no longer put my children first, but can see His plan for the family and try to walk in the Light of His Word on it. I no longer fear, feel frustrated daily, and yell at those that I love the most. I ask that I walk at His Pace, doing His Priorities, by His Power, with His Peace, and with much Praise to Him along the way. I ask that I might cling, cling, cling to Him and that I never return to the state I was in before. Because I know that it is only through the power of His Holy Spirit that I have anything with you to share.
And each morning I get up so excited to see what He will say to me in His beautiful, beautiful Word. And then I have the pleasure of conversing with Him as He speaks to me. Intimate conversation in a holy kitchen. I can handle other's words now so much better in my day because I have heard The Word first. (My husband told me today that as I share with other women he can see early morning lights on in kitchens all across America. It gave me goose bumps when he said that as I know the strength a homemaker has who is sold out for God and clinging to Him.)
My husband gets up next when I am 3/4's of the way through my Bible reading, and I have never looked at him with more love than I do now. God has given me new eyes to see him. He sits next to me and reads His Bible, which he never did before. My children get up after he leaves for work, and I cannot believe the change my behavior has had on them. My eldest son says the change in me caused him to start to read his Bible through every day for a year (recently accomplished). And then, "my servants" get up and get going, which has had the most profound effect on my outlook concerning the running of my home. It was on the umpteenth time of reading through Proverbs 31, and trying to assimilate the wisdom taught there, that He opened my eyes to see who my servants were: crock pot, bread machine, washer, oven, sink, refrigerator, sewing machine, and many, many more. And then to get them going early in the morning after
He has given me the Living Bread to meditate on all day long.
I am still striving to be all that He wants me to be. I have not arrived. I still struggle. But as I see Him afresh and anew every morning, I see He has the power to do anything with anyone who is willing to let go and let Him have total control. It took me three readings of His Word to do that. Now I am His Servant, His Slave, His Daughter, and part of His Glorious Bride! I ask Him to orchestrate my moments into a life of praise to Him. May He shine, may He shine, may He shine! And may His Servant, Laine, be forgotten and may Jesus Christ be the fragrance remembered. I am His Fingerprint, wanting, oh so wanting, to leave His Impression.
With much love to you all,
Laine
Laine@lainesletters.com
(Psalm 18:1)
"I love you, LORD, my strength."
~*~*~*~Update to Laine's life~*~*~*~
Dear Sisters,
Art and I have been married 24 years. We are in the process of adopting a baby from China. We hope to have her somewhere between October 2005 and January of 2006, God willing. Art is a welder, and I am a full time homemaker. We have homeschooled our children for fifteen years now, and we have graduated our two oldest sons. We live on a modest income in Southern California, but by the grace of God through much prayer and patient persistence we became completely debt free in 2003 including our
mortgage. Thank you, LORD!
Quincy, our oldest son, is now 21 years old. He is going to Bible school full time, working as the Freshmen Leader with 165 freshman kids at our church, and teaching piano on the side. He recently came back from a semester of Bible school in Israel and is presently on a short missions trip to Swaziland, Africa with his brother planting gardens and the gospel. Quincy is my deep thinker and loves books by Oswald Chambers. He has a passion for the LORD and seems to be heading into the ministry. We enjoy Quincy so much.
Brady is eighteen years old. He attends both Bible school and a local community college. He also works full time in outside maintenance with a crew at our church. He leads worship weekly for the high school and occasionally for the college group by playing the guitar and singing. Brady visited his brother in Israel a couple of months ago, and he is now working with him in Swaziland for a brief time. Brady also has a passion for the LORD and was willing to quit his job if he had to in order to go to Swaziland to help the people there. (Praise God he didn't have to!) He would love to go into a music ministry. We enjoy Brady so much.
Abbie is now fourteen years old. She is might right arm. We really work so well together in our home. Not only that, but we have so much fun doing it! Abbie is a freshman in high school, so she is one of the freshman kids that Quincy is in charge of at our church. We like that! And she does as well. Abbie loves to bake, so she is baking something almost every day. Nothing lasts around here with four men in the house - everything is eaten promptly - so she has very willing taste testers. She would love to go to a chef school someday, preferably in France, but we'd like her to go to Bible school first, and then we'll see from there. In the mean time, I continue to teach and train her the best that I can in all areas that I think will be of help to her in the future. We enjoy
Abbie so much.
Gabe is twelve years old. He has an easy going style and the funniest sense of humor. And this used to be my strong willed child! It was worth all the prayer and patient persistence we put in with him to see him so sweet natured now. Gabe is in the sixth grade and is my husband's right arm. Our older boys are so busy with work and school, so Gabe has taken up where they left off. He's always learning something from Art. He is also learning to play the drums on my father's vintage drum set. My father was a professional drummer, so it is exciting to see our son follow in his footsteps and on his drums. Brady hopes Gabe will be a part of his music ministry with him. We enjoy Gabe so much.
I still get up at 4:00 a.m. every morning as I have for the past twelve years to seek the LORD in His Word and in prayer. It continues to be my favorite part of the day. Jesus is my strength, my song, my shield, and my salvation!
Love,
Laine
